Posts Tagged ‘ Breasts

Instant Boob Job

It seems I’m over a month late to the party on this one but still worth a mention nevertheless: Ann Summers, the U.K. lingerie and sex toy company, has developed an ‘instant boob job bra’ that boasts a two cup size improvement just by wearing one.

Ann Summers - CLEAVAGE Ann Summers - CLEAVAGE

I think the images speak for themselves. According to AS the secret is the ‘bean bag’ padding and the tight shape that ‘moulds to your shape for a perfect fit’. “Unlike other enhancing bras, the unique microbead technology is ultra light and actually moulds to the shape of your breast and is shaped with a super plunge for maximum cleavage factor.” And speaking of microbeads, they do not store heat which is apparently a bit a problem with the silicone-based padding (the more you know…).

Ann Summers - Kissing Cleavage Plunge Bra Black/Pink - ProductThe bra clocks in at £22 and is available now. My big question to you guys out there, would you be annoyed if you went out with a girl who wore one of these and you didn’t know, only to be hit with quite a surprise in the bedroom?


Breasts in Gaming

I created the tag ‘Breasts‘ when I completed the post ‘Breasts, Body-type, and You!‘ because I figured that is that not why tags exist, one or two words to sum up the content? Now I was recent thinking to myself (actually, to be perfectly frank, it was out aloud because I talk to myself, a lot) “now I am never going to use that tag ever again which is pointless!”, until now :). See, a few years ago I had written a blog on a gaming website that caused quiet a stir (12,000 views on my blog in a matter of days not to mention more than twice that on the news entry mimicking my blog post plus the controversy of the news post context) about clothing in the MMO world entitled ‘Breasts’. It focused mainly on women as they were, on most occasions, the worst dressed out of the lot.

So, without and more talk, here it is:

Breasts. Yes, breasts. Hetero/bisexual men cannot get enough of them. Hell, even homo/bisexual woman think they’re a thing of beauty (woman talk for ‘they can’t get enough of them’). And they seem to appear, bigger and bouncier in almost all new adult orientated MMO releases.

Now I’m not against having female characters in game. I’m not against female characters having a chest (although, realistically, with their body shape and what they do in the game, a DD bra size is very unlikely), I’m not sizest! What annoys me is the ‘armour’ or lack of that’s covering our females. Here is a perfect example from both sexes on ridiculously inappropriate battle dress.

Blade and Soul

Actually, I struggle to understand where on earth this would be appropriate. The last strippers I saw started off with a hell of a lot more on than that. I hope you don’t jump in that game otherwise our little huntress is going to be worrying about more than just the opponent.

Now the this is appropriate battle dress! I wonder if female characters in C9 have the equivalent kick-arse attire. It seems that cabal has got the right idea (somewhat). It seems you can have sexiness without becoming stupid. It’s not the only MMORPG that has manage to keep some decency though – which is positive sign, no less.

One thing I do not understand with the MMORPGs is that, they try ever so hard to create a believable world wrapped in rich lore and character building and interaction. A fantasy that you can escape to a play a part, a role. A place where you can take on your own persona within this fantasy and shape the landscape of this ever changing world in which we live in. And here you are with less material on you than your average g-string. That’s what break the fantasy right away. This is even before I pick up a sword or bow or dagger or axe to go slash bash and whack things with (and one would only assume, sooner rather than later, be bash, slashed and whacked back). I can now see why people were never much of a fan of Shadowbane: TOOMUCHCLOTHING!

So now, here I am, little old Pino, begging something of game developers/designers: please put clothes on your character, male and female. We do realise that if we choose to play a female character it will contain breasts. I’m just not sure it needs to be THIS obvious.

Yours in gaming, Pino…

Breasts, Body-Type, and You!

It’s true, I have no idea what it is like to have breasts, but as a happier observer of many years now I know what looks good and what looks terrible. The truth of the matter is, a lot of woman either wear rose-coloured glasses or the complete opposite, thinking that they look a lot worse than they really do. How can one ever dress to look good if they are not comfortable themselves with their own body. Too big? Too small? Never look good in the tops you own? You can always look good with what you wear, you just need to be wearing the correct clothing. If you have massive breasts try V-necks, or even better, a black V-neck, to split your breasts so they don’t look like one all-empowering mono-boob and the black, as any half intelligent person knows, to make you look a lot slimmer and smoother than you really are.

Then there’s the constant debate on stripes, yes no, only horizontal, only vertical? Dr. Peter Thompson, an expert in perception in York University’s psychology department state that after extensive blind tests it is in fact the horizontal stripes that make you look slimmer, not vertical ones. I do not know what images and what clothing he was using in his blind test but I have always found the opposite. Maybe it is the thickness of the stripes? Maybe colour has a contributing factor? I really do not know. What I do know for sure that if you are thin with small breasts and want to make them appear bigger stripes can be your friend. Bold horizontal stripes can make your chest appear a lot larger which is never a bad thing.

Also, don’t forget that how loose or tight your clothing is can make a big difference to the perceived size of your chest. Larger beasts should be accompanied with looser clothing as it helps to fade them away from the mind of anyone catching a glimpse of you. This also works in reverse for this with small breasts and frames.

Speaking of those ladies that may be less endowed, utilising tops with frills or a halter neckline are perfect for making your chest appear a lot fuller. While black isn’t a no-no, it will, like it does to those with a larger bust, make your chest look ‘slimmer’ which isn’t what you want. While the right bra is perfect place to start, do not get too carried away. Under-wire, push-up padded bras are perfect for giving your breasts the lift and exposure they need, but woman like to go overboard and even resort to wearing a larger cup size than they are and never realise when this happens to them. As a heterosexual male I can tell with no hint of dishonesty that this happens to you all the time and not one of us dares to tell you (it’s a perfect sign of an incorrect bra size – more on that later). Also, double-breasted jackets are a great way to enhance your chest and look stylish and keep warm (no, this isn’t a horribly executed joke, it’s true! Have a look next time you’re trying on jackets at your local whatever-store).

For those who have larger busts something simple like a frilly skirt or nice A-line dress can work wonders for you. And while the mini-Lizzies enjoy their double-breasted jackets, you should be looking for single breasted blazers and wear them unbuttoned where possible to further minimise your chest. Supportive bras are obvious but that doesn’t mean sports bras – wear these only when you’re working out, I can only imagine what they are you to your breast tissue and back.

Well, that is that! I know, you’re all going to whinge and moan that I have NO idea what I’m talking about and will mostly likely exchange tits for a DoS on my web log from /b/ but I know I’m on to something because of two things: one, if there is one things heterosexual and Atari men know it’s breasts – we spend far longer looking at all type of breasts than you could ever do in a lifetime; and two, ~80% of woman are wearing the wrong size bra. I am yet to find a woman who I have told this to, tell me that they are in the majority which means either, as far as odds and probability are concerned, I’m a damn lucky man, or you really don’t have as much an idea as you think, wish and hope that you did. On that letter point you NEED to read this blog entry by Eve of Eve’s Apples, blogger, producer and distributor of linguine who found out that she was indeed wearing the wrong sized bra (feel so high-and-mighty now :P).

So have a read, have a rethink and let’s all get along. (Now that I’ve told you how to dress feel free to do the same for me).